Thursday, March 04, 2010!
HandWritten on; 11:36 AM
All of a sudden, the love of my life is gone.
I kept telling myself I lost him in a car crash - without warning, no signs of him leaving and he left just like that. Perhaps, that's a good excuse to deal with this. I wouldn't be able to talk to a 'dead' person anymore right? & perhaps then, i could move on.
But i need a closure.
I had to meet him. I need to talk to him. I needed to know why everything happened so suddenly. Why did he want to leave me? Why, a clean break? Why? Why? Why? I could never see that coming. We were still happily in love when he just suddenly felt he couldn't face me anymore - coz i very much reminded him of his ex.
So, all of a sudden, in a state of shock, absorbing every single message he corresponded. Where did it go wrong? Where's the man whom I fell in love with? Most importantly, Where's the man who convinced me that he was ready to move on and have a serious relationship? Where is he? The man whom i knew, is even doubting his love for me.
OMG. Have i missed out on the warning signs? Could it have been prevented? Must it be this hurtful?
Just when I am in my worst situation of my whole life, I had to lose him.
& then when i saw him, the pain that he is going thru, how hurt he was, how regretful he was...
Why do i keep holding on then? While there are many obvious reasons, but if you really love someone, shouldn't you want the best for him? Yes, No?
And so he said, he needs to be alone for now. He needs to take a break, to think thru everything. Initially, I couldn't accept the fact that I am losing someone so important to me, someone so intertwined with my life, someone whom i fell so deeply in love with. How could I adapt at all?
'COZ YOU HAVE TO!' :( How could I do this all by myself? HOW HOW HOW?
& then thinking thru whatever he has said thus far.. I am only forcing myself on him since he has always insisted that we should be good friends for now. Wasn't that obvious enough? Wasn't he making everything clear that he's giving up on me already?
But sth was holding me back, instinctively..............................
It shouldnt be the end yet. Such things can be overcome. RIGHT?
I can't be on my own. Not right now. :'(
